It’s such a long time since I was here. Life has rather run away with me over the last few months and all of a sudden its 6th November and another year has gone past without you. The last 5 years have rushed past so quickly and yet so much has happened that you’ve missed, it doesn’t seem possible.
We’ve got new babies in the family (and about to have one more!) people have gone to university, passed exams, got new jobs, traveled to far flung places, met new people and brought them into the family, moved house….. and so much more. It breaks my heart that you’ve missed it all. I know you would have been proud of us, mostly, and at the least only been mildly disapproving if you weren’t!
I’m sure people who read this must think that I look at you through rose tinted glasses, and maybe I do. I make it sound as though you were perfect, and you weren’t.
We certainly fought, I well remember rows in my youth, what I should or shouldn’t wear, whether I was or wasn’t going out with friends, and I know I’m not alone in this, we all squabbled with you as well as each other. But (and I never thought I’d day it!) now I’m older and have children of my own, I can see what you were saying and find myself saying the same things! Simon is worried – I may just be turning into you – god help him!!!
As to other peoples opinions, well the size of the crowd at your memorial service and the hundreds of pounds raised for charity in your name with the undertakers is testament to how many lives you touched!
Maybe you weren’t perfect, I’m sure you had faults, I’m sure you did things that irritated the hell out of people. But when push came to shove you were there. You never said no if someone needed help, and there was always an endless supply of tea and sympathy when it was required.
We miss you mum, everyday at some point my thoughts turn to you. We talk about you all the time. Today we looked for new conkers, because you loved the colour and feel of them shiny from their cases in the autumn. Yesterday I kicked though leaves and jumped in puddles with Bean and thought how much you would have loved to be there. Tomorrow I’m off to G’ma A to drink tea and gossip and I’ll think Mum should be here too. Next month we will make a christmas cake, using your recipe and shed a tear because you won’t be there to eat it with us. Another birthday has passed without your name on my card. And yesterday when we lit the fire for the first time we laughed about your obsession with bonfires and your only using one match rule!
There are times when only mum will do and I hate that mine isn’t there when I need her.